Positive communication is communication which elicits a positive response from the person you are talking to. Using positive communication, you can even communicate a negative message in a positive way. It can help us change the way we feel about certain situations and the way others feel about them.
It can also help us to create a more positive view of ourselves. With enough practice, you can make thinking, being and doing positive a well-engrained habit.
This piece is written not with the intent of changing who anyone is innately, but to help bring out the best in everyone. By communicating positively, we are also more likely to be able to communicate effectively and be communicated with positively.
Notice Your Body Language
When we think of communication, we think of a dialogue of words going back and forth between two or more people. Actually, communication is a lot more than the words that are said. The majority is made up through tone of voice and body language (see figure 1). Body language is what we communicate through the positioning of our body. This includes facial expressions and eye-contact. Research has shown that a smile is associated with positive intentions and increased sociability, whereas a lack of facial expression gives the impression of a lack of interest or rejection. For most people, body language can give information on how someone is feeling, their intentions and their motivations at any time.
Activity
Have a look at the emojis on your phone or computer. Pick a random one and try and do that face yourself. You can do this in the mirror, or you can ask a loved one to help you and see if they can guess the emoji you are trying to mimic.
Being autistic can impact your ability to read body language, making it tricky to know how someone is feeling. You can say a lot without saying any words at all. That is, your body language can give positive and negative messages to other people. The first step to ensuring your body language is communicating what you want it to is to be aware of your own body/facial expressions, and trying to regulate them intentionally.
Try and practice 'open' body language as much as you can when trying to positively communicate:
Activity
Ask a loved one if you can do an experiment with them. First have a conversation with them using closed communication (ideas in the table above) and then have another conversation using open communication. Ask them how they found each experience, and which made them feel more positive. How did they feel when you smiled at them?
Try to Replace the Negative With the Positive
This can be difficult to do as in society we hear negative things every day and see them all over the media. Trying to be mindful of the words you say in conversations can help increase positivity. Try and replace some of those negative words or phrases with positive ones. Without trying, your thoughts will then follow suit and become more positive, resulting in positive actions. This is what we call positive bias, as we will be more focused on the positive.
Respect the Feelings and Opinions of Others
Being autistic, it can be difficult to predict how others might react to something you say. Some autistic people lack 'theory of mind' which is essentially being able to imagine what someone else is thinking or feeling. This can make it difficult to know when someone might respond badly to something we say and when we might offend someone, when we don't mean it to upset them. Below are some tips on how to respect other people:
- Try to not speak about other people's shortcomings. Instead, try and focus the conversation on the positive or good things about the person, even if they are not there.
- When asking people for something, try and focus it on what you want rather than what you don't want. This will shift the conversation from being critical to being positive.
- When having a conversation with someone else, try and find out what they like to do, if they have any hobbies and what makes them happy. It can be a lot easier (and maybe more interesting to you) to talk about what you like to do and your hobbies, but it is important to show an interest in other people too and what they like.
- If you upset someone unintentionally, apologise. If you do not understand why you have upset someone, still apologise but also explain that you did not mean to upset them and ask them how you can avoid this in the future. Although it can be hard when it was unintentional, try and take responsibility for your actions.
